Why is it that when navigating experiences of sexual marginalization, we are so often pressured into traps of disavowal? To disclaim, dismiss and deny the messy, fleshy trails our bodies followed before and may seek to travel again? When encountering questions of sex and disability, the overemphasis on whether or not crips have been either desexualized or hypersexualized is a necessary and important social critique, and yet it also enforces the notion that the experience of crip sex only offers insight into the experience of discrimination. Put simply: even within the most sexually progressive circles, people with disabilities are rarely considered experts on anything other than ableism — let alone how to fuck and get fucked. Conclusions that measure the worth of disabled people by their capacity to reinstate norms from the periphery rather than provide alternative knowledge from the center.
The other day I was scrolling through my Social Media feeds and I came across a bunch of articles alerting me to the fact that it was a day to celebrate something called Power Bottom Appreciation Day. Every time I fantasize about the sex I want in my head, one of the very first images that comes to mind, is my being fucked both gently and not so gently by my lover. I imagine my legs above my head, and me staring deep into their eyes — loving every second of it. I imagine them on top of me, feeling the warmth of their body…Sorry, I got atad carried away in my on visual there…. Of course, that fantasy fades away rather quickly when I snap back to the reality of my disabled life — my body that is stuck at 90 degrees in a sitting position, unable to lift or bend my legs in anyway to accommodate a good fucking. Le sigh. I was missing out on an experience that made me a truly queer men.